Married, but for how long?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOk, now that I got that out of my system I can finally sit back and tell you what happened.
I was out with my gfs yesterday when at around 7:30 or so my phone rang and it was A. I pick up and quickly go outside because the music was so loud and I could barelly hear him. We start talking and get straight to the point, in his words this is how he said he felt when he hung up the phone with me that time: I screwed him up in his head, he couldn't function, he wasn't able to work and everybody was asking him what was going on. He's questioning his marriage, thinks that he did a bad thing by getting married, that we should be together instead. And as if that wasn't enough, he said that even before the call, he did think about me a lot, mostly because he was so crazy about me when we were young that he can't just forget that. I asked him point blank. is that person the love of your life, the one that you see yourself with forever? He said NO. I say, well there's the answer to all your questions then but IF you're really happy then I'm really happy for you. And he laughed and said: well I can tell you the truth, I'm not happy, it's more of a I'm just settling situation. I tell him that I knew that the minute we started talking about this the first time. Then we talk about something else and go back to it again, he said that he couldn't live with himself knowing he hurt someone, and then asks me: so what should I do, divorce her and come marry you. I say, yes that's exactly what you should do. He tells me that he's very close to his mother, and that he can't wait to tell her how I'm back in his life, and to discuss everything because he wants her imput. Again, he asks me to come down to Miami and he'll take care of the hotel and all, because there's no way he can leave to go anywhere and we both really want to see each other. By then we had talked for 30mns or so, so we just decided that he was going to call me at 10 pm on his way home.
I go back to my friends with the biggest smile on my face and they're wondering why. After an hour or so, we decide to go have drinks at this new place. We get there and as we're about to go in, A calls again at exactly 10 pm. We start talking and he sounded different, I think he was trying to tell himself that this whole thing's just crazy and it is. I wanted to keep the conversation light but he said, oh u probably like the clean cut type of guy and I'm not like that. I was thinking, if you only knew... I ask him how tall he is now, 6'2 and handsome (he said). He doesn't need to tell me though, I know he is. Then for a few minutes I was just answering by yes or no, mostly because I was pissed off at the whole thing, because there's nothing I can do. So I tried to hang up and he asks, should I still call you tomorrow at 4? I say yes and we hang up, he was almost home anyway. But I didn't like the way we said bye so I msged him, am kinda upset but I guess nothing's set in stone and I KNOW that you did feel something. He answers: I'm not gonna lie, it does feel very weird i guess we'll have to wait and see cause after all it's all up to God and let's just hope for the best. I answer: weird good or weird bad? Him: if it was bad then we wouldn't be talking I try to stay away from bad things u know. Me: Oh well I know it's good, we'll talk tomorrow but think about it, everything happens for a reason. Him: you're soooo cute, for sure we'll talk tomorrow. I don't answer and 5 mns later he msgs me: she's here!
And that was all last night. To get my mind of the whole thing, we went to W with some new guyfriends and had a blast.Today I'm having lunch with N (my very very good friend), she's finally back from India and I can't wait to see her and hear what she has to say about this whole thing. It's driving me crazy and I would've gotten over it if he hadn't called and told me that HE felt something. At least, I wasn't dreaming it. It's for REAL...
posted by LUX @ 4/13/2006 07:52:00 AM
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